Can Both Spouses Get Restraining Orders Against Each Other in California?
The short answer: Yes, but only in narrow circumstances, and the law is written to make it difficult. Under Family Code section 6305, a California judge cannot issue mutual domestic violence restraining orders unless both people personally appear, each files a written request for a restraining order with evidence of abuse, and the court makes detailed findings that both acted primarily as aggressors and that neither acted primarily in self-defense. A judge in Riverside, Victorville, or Los Angeles cannot simply split the difference because each side accuses the other.
What Is a Mutual Restraining Order?
Definition. A mutual restraining order is a pair of domestic violence restraining orders issued in the same case, with each party restrained from contacting, harassing, or coming near the other. Each order carries the same consequences as a one-sided order: entry into the statewide CLETS database under Family Code section 6380, the firearm prohibition under Family Code section 6389, and the custody presumption under Family Code section 3044. We explain those consequences in our guide on what happens when a restraining order is filed against you.
Why the law disfavors them. A mutual order treats the person who was abused the same as the person who committed the abuse. It can strip a protected parent of custody, bar a victim from owning a firearm, and follow both people into job and housing background checks. The Legislature narrowed Family Code section 6305 so that a judge cannot issue mutual orders as a shortcut when both sides tell competing stories at a hearing.
What Family Code Section 6305 Requires
Three conditions. Family Code section 6305 bars a mutual order unless (1) both parties personally appear at the hearing, (2) each party presents written evidence of abuse or domestic violence in a request for a restraining order filed on the mandatory Judicial Council form, which means a DV-100 of their own and not merely a response on form DV-120, and (3) the court makes detailed findings of fact that both parties acted as a primary aggressor and that neither acted primarily in self-defense. If any condition is missing, the mutual order is improper.
The primary aggressor analysis. The statute directs the judge to consider the dominant aggressor factors in Penal Code section 836, the same factors police use when both people claim to be victims. Those factors look at the intent of the law to protect domestic violence victims, the threats and fear each person caused, the history of domestic violence between the parties, and whether either person acted in self-defense. A judge in Victorville or Riverside must walk through those factors on the record rather than announce that both parties were at fault.
What the appellate courts have said. In Monterroso v. Moran, the Court of Appeal reversed a mutual order where the second party never filed an independent request and relied only on a responsive declaration. In Isidora M. v. Silvino M., the court reversed a mutual order because the trial court did not make the detailed findings the statute requires. Both decisions show that the conditions in Family Code section 6305 are mandatory, not suggestions.
How to Respond When You Were the Victim
File your own DV-100. If your spouse or partner filed first and you were actually the person abused, do not rely on a DV-120 response alone. A response can defeat the other side's request, but it cannot result in a protective order for you. File your own DV-100 with a DV-109 notice of hearing, ask the clerk to set it for the same date, and have it personally served. The hearing on the first request is normally set within 21 days under Family Code section 242, so if your request cannot be served in time, ask the judge for a short continuance under Family Code section 245 so both requests are heard together.
Bring the evidence. The judge decides a contested hearing on evidence, not on who sounds more upset. Gather text messages, photographs of injuries or damage, police reports, medical records, 911 call records, and witnesses who saw or heard the incidents. Our guide on what evidence you need for a restraining order walks through authentication and hearsay issues. Organize the evidence by incident and by date so the judge can see the pattern.
Show self-defense when it applies. Because Family Code section 6305 requires a finding that neither party acted primarily in self-defense, the sequence of events matters. If you pushed your spouse away after being grabbed, say so in your declaration and explain what happened first. A judge who sees that your conduct was defensive cannot lawfully find that you were a primary aggressor, and that finding alone defeats a mutual order.
Why Agreeing to Mutual Orders Is Usually a Mistake
The stipulation trap. When both sides have filed requests, one party or a self-represented litigant sometimes proposes that everyone simply agree to stay away from each other. Agreeing to a mutual domestic violence restraining order is rarely wise for the person who was abused. The order goes into CLETS, triggers the firearm ban, and creates a record that opposing counsel will use in the custody case. There are alternatives, such as a mutual no-contact or civil-standby provision written into the divorce case as an ordinary court order rather than a DVRO, and a lawyer can help you evaluate whether that approach fits your facts.
The custody consequence. Family Code section 3044 creates a rebuttable presumption that a parent who committed domestic violence within the past five years should not receive sole or joint custody. A mutual restraining order can attach that presumption to both parents at once, which complicates every later custody decision. Parents in Apple Valley or Hesperia who accept a mutual order to end a hearing quickly often discover the problem months later when the court addresses parenting time, as we discuss in our guide on changing a custody order.
Where These Hearings Are Heard in the Inland Empire and High Desert
Courthouse assignments. Restraining order cases from Victorville, Hesperia, Apple Valley, and Barstow are generally heard at the Victorville, Barstow, or Joshua Tree courthouses as the San Bernardino Superior Court assigns them, and cases from the Riverside area are heard at the Riverside Family Law Courthouse. Confirm the courthouse and department on the court's current website before the hearing. Our Victorville and Hesperia pages describe local practice, and our guide on how long a DVRO takes in San Bernardino County covers the timeline from filing to the hearing.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can my spouse get a restraining order against me just because I filed one?
Not automatically. Your spouse must file a separate request on form DV-100 with written evidence of abuse, appear in person, and persuade the judge that you were also a primary aggressor and did not act in self-defense. Family Code section 6305 requires detailed findings on each point before a mutual order can issue. A retaliatory filing with no supporting evidence usually fails, and the judge may view it as a credibility problem for the person who filed it.
Does a mutual restraining order affect custody?
Yes. Under Family Code section 3044, a finding of domestic violence within the past five years creates a presumption against awarding custody to the restrained parent. With a mutual order, both parents may face that presumption, and the court must then decide which parent has rebutted it. Fighting an unwarranted mutual order at the hearing is far easier than undoing its custody consequences later.
What if we both agree to stay away from each other?
Think carefully before agreeing. A stipulated mutual domestic violence restraining order still goes into CLETS, still triggers the firearm prohibition under Family Code section 6389, and still carries the custody presumption. If both parties truly want distance, ask about a mutual no-contact order entered in the divorce case that is not a DVRO. Mediation can also resolve the underlying disputes without a protective order on either side's record.
Do I need a lawyer to oppose a mutual order?
It helps. Mutual order hearings turn on the detailed findings Family Code section 6305 requires, and a lawyer can hold the judge to each one, present your evidence in order, and preserve the record for appeal if the court gets it wrong. We offer flat-fee and limited scope options for a single restraining order hearing, as explained in our guide on limited scope representation.
Talk to a California Restraining Order Lawyer
Gramling Law Group can help. Daniel Gramling, Esq. represents petitioners and respondents in domestic violence restraining order hearings, including cases where both sides have filed requests. We offer flat-fee and limited-scope options and serve the Inland Empire, the High Desert, Los Angeles County, Orange County, and Southern California. Call (909) 654-4575 or contact us through this website to discuss your hearing.
This article is educational and is not legal advice. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. It addresses California law only.
Related Guides From Gramling Law Group
Learn more about our domestic violence restraining order representation serving the Inland Empire, Los Angeles County, and Southern California.
We represent petitioners and respondents in restraining order cases in Victorville, Hesperia, Riverside, and San Bernardino.
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Phone: (909) 654-4575
Serving the Inland Empire, Los Angeles County, Orange County, and all of Southern California except San Diego in family law and criminal defense.
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